


I Wish I Were Dreaming

by Goodnightsammy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Drabble, F/M, Post TROS, Rey Needs A Hug, this is sad and i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:47:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23677111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goodnightsammy/pseuds/Goodnightsammy
Summary: Prompt: Kylo/Ben thinking about how Palps found Rey through him? Bc their dyad, being equals, her light rising to meet his dark, aka without him she'd have been safe?Summary: Rey tries to convince Ben that what happened wasn't his fault, that she's happy, that he's the only thing she needs. Then she wakes up.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	I Wish I Were Dreaming

**Author's Note:**

> This wonderful prompt came from yenneferofyengerberg , and yes, now I'm sad too.

“We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for me,” Ben whispers, voice soft against the black blanket of night.

Rey rolls over and squints against the dark, barely making out his shadow of a silhouette against the sheets, “what do you mean?” She’s tired, her voice rough with sleep, but by the rigid line of his body, Rey knows Ben hasn’t been asleep for a long while.

“It’s all my fault, you know? You had been hidden for years on Jakku and know one knew where you were. If it weren’t for our bond, if it weren’t for Palpatine poking around in my head all of the time, he would have never found you,” Ben explains, voice strained.

“Ben, that’s ridiculous—” Rey comforts, “he would have tried to find me a thousand times over—and as I began my Jedi training, I would only be more accessible to him.” She’s trying to logic away the pain. Rey wonders vaguely how long he had been keeping this guilt inside. How many nights did he lay awake and worry about this very thing?

“If it weren’t for me—you could be happy, Rey,” Ben confesses, the sound barely louder than a wisp of air, soft as the sheets.

“I _am_ happy,” Rey whispers, her hand ghosting across his square jaw, and it was true. Being with him, it was the most whole she’s ever felt. It was a small life, a quiet one, tucked away in their little house on some no name planet on the outer rim, but it was more than enough.

“No, Rey,” Ben breaths, and the words startle her. She pulls back her hand as if burned, and he shifts his heavy weight next to her, “you’re not happy.”

“What are you talking about? I have you,” Rey states, brows drawn low over her questioning eyes, “you’re all I’ve ever needed—no one, no one but you, Ben.”

“I’m sorry I failed you,” he says then, seeming to ignore her words and shaking his head. He won’t look at her, won’t meet her eyes across the haze of night, but Rey needs him to. She tries to will it, but he still casts his attention to some place on the wall behind her that she cannot see. “I miss you, Rey.”

“Ben, I’m right here—” Rey starts, aching to understand where all this was coming from.

“Yes,” he cuts in, voice sharp and strained, “you’re right here, Rey.” The words send a rush of cold down her spine, and a hollow echo crawls its way into her chest. Nothing made sense, and yet, the room seemed to close around her.

“Then why?” She practically begged, desperation clawing at the inside of her throat, “why are you saying all this?”

“Because I’m not,” Ben answered, the words falling out of him and settling into the silence that surrounded them.

“Not what, Ben?” She pushed, mind racing. Every second, that hollow feeling inside of her chest grew. It was as if a black fog had drifted into her mind. An emptiness was seeping into her skin, into her nerves and her very bones. It was a feeling she hadn’t experienced since that night on Ahch-To. He had been there for her then, too. Any second now, he would say it, he would tell her she wasn’t alone, and everything would be right again.

“I’m not here, Rey.”

Rey snaps awake, frantic eyes searching around the small, sandy hut she was sleeping in on Tatooine. The desert night air even colder on her skin from where his heat used to be. 

“Ben is dead,” Rey tells herself, “Ben is dead, Ben is dead, Ben is dead.” It has been three months since Exegol, and Rey still wakes in a cold sweat to the memory of him against her side, “It wasn’t real,” she continues like a mantra under her breath, “he’s gone.”

When she goes to make her bed in the morning, Rey convinces herself that the wrinkled sheets on his side of the bed are because she rolled over in the middle of the night. She wasn’t very persuasive.


End file.
